Saturday, March 21, 2009

Note to self

You really are not a people person. You can tolerate your fellow humans for about 8 hours a day for 5 days … max. DON’T FORGET THIS.

Never, ever, believe anyone who says, “My dog doesn’t shed.” Everything with hair sheds; Dogs, cats, humans, guinea pigs, and rats. DON’T FORGET THIS.

Your fireplace doesn’t work. Never let anyone talk you into trying it “just one more time”. On day six your house will STILL smell like the inside of a meat smoker. DON’T FORGET THIS.

Although you grew up with dogs, you are a “dog person”. You don’t like them jumping on you to “greet you”, being “friendly” by sitting next to you on the couch, showing their “love” by sitting on your furniture, showing they’re “missing you” by lying on your bed, or “wanting to be your friend” by following you around the kitchen as you try to cook. DON’T FORGET THIS.

Never befriend someone who purports to like exercise. You will want to stab them when they ask you why you’re not going to the gym on the weekend. You will believe them to be a hypocrite. Especially when you’ve been up at 4:40 am to work out and they haven’t. DON’T FORGET THIS.

You will be irritated every morning when you hear an alarm go off at 6:30 am, yet no one arises ‘til 7:30 am. DON’T FORGET THIS.

It’s okay to say, “I told you I’d be in the bathroom from 8:10-8:20 EVERY weekday morning. No, you cannot take, ‘just a little longer’”. DON’T FORGET THIS.

This will only last for another 45 days. A murder conviction is for life. DON’T FORGET THIS.

Edit to add: There are two sides to every story. I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to live with. I've been on my own for too long. I also know she's in a tough position - and doesn't have many options. She isn't purposely trying to irritate the shit out of me. I offered to do this - and wanted to do it with a joyous heart. A lot of the failure is mine for expecting that such close quarters wouldn't make much of a disruption on my life.


mamie said...

WTF, girl? Glad I'm not a sleeping-in, bathroom-hogging, dog-loving, heat-seeking guest of yours!!!! Hang in there! Love ya. Miss ya. I'm right around the corner with lots of places to get away....

G Liz said...

You ok?! I'm glad this post isn't about me!!!! :-)

Give me a call - I've lost all of my contacts due to my old cell phone biting the dust.

saturday's child said...

A dog?!?!?!?!!

saturday's child said...

Also, remember the end of last year (well, 2007) when I shuttered Chez Moi for any and all guests until you and co. arrived? I feel your pain. Seriously. Sometimes we just need "me time" to be everyday, all day! Please don't commit friend-icide. I'd have to come visit you monthly, but I'm afraid to go to a prison, for any reason. xxox

Allie said...

Eeeek...a house guest is cramping your style? Well, at least it will be over in forty-five days. Besides, it's almost April. Maybe the impending thick layer of pollen that will coat the Raleigh area will slow your house guest's shenanigans down a little. Hehehe.

Be strong, Mit!! You'll be okay!!


Anonymous said...

I was afraid of this - *~* - maybe you'd better re-read your EDIT every morning before you get up ??? Or sit down and have a "heart to heart" ??
Hang in there - you'll make it. You've suffered worse than this and survived ! BTW - how's the toilet situation at the office ??? *O* tp