Thursday, November 08, 2007

Oh Zero

Dear Customer,

I’d like you to know when to “left” click (to select an item), and when to “right click” (to access menu options). Since left clicking is FAR MORE COMMON, I will not tell you to LEFT CLICK every time I ask you to click on something. Please stopping asking me, “Left” or “Right”. Besides, “Left” and “Right” are difficult for me. I am tired of making and “L” with my pointing finger and thumb, to figure out which side is my left, and which is my right.

Selecting multiple items, consecutive to each other, is not an Olympic challenge. It’s easy. Click on the first item, hold down the “Shift” key (and YES, please keep it held down), and then click on the last item. They should all be highlighted now. NOW you may remove your finger from the “Shift” key, and click on the “select” or “open” or “delete” buttons. YES – A LEFT CLICK.

I do not know why “Look-in” is so difficult. I am not asking you to look into the future. If you WERE looking into the future, I’m sure you’d see my early death.

I know finding our way in this world isn’t easy. However, finding a path or folder on your computer should not be a Herculean task. Especially when I’m telling you where to click. If I say, “double click” on the folder “marketing” THAT’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. YES – A LEFT CLICK.

“Save As” is not a creative option. If you’re not told to click there, KINDLY DON’T.

Please do not begin an action until I finish my sentence. This will save us OODLES of time when I say, “Highlight such-and-such report BUT DO NOT CLICK ON IT!” I know, you’ve just got down the left-click, and are anxious to try it out, but I want you to hold down the “ALT” key BEFORE you click so we can change the report association. YES – A LEFT CLICK.

If I say, “Please go to the LAST BOX and type in “U” as umbrella, I really mean THE LAST BOX. Not the first box that says “e-mail address”. Not the box titled “subject” BUT THE LAST BOX THAT SAYS AirMail Address.

I know my name is confusing to type. I am sorry you are having to send me your data because you screwed it up so badly. But really, how difficult is it to type “M-I-T-M-O-I”? When I mention the second “M”, I am NOT starting to spell my name again because I forgot how to spell it. Please do not erase the “I” “T” and spell it MOI … because it’s never FREAKIN’ gonna get to me. No matter HOW MANY TIMES YOU TYPE THAT NAME IN AND SEND IT.

Speaking of letters … User ID’s and Passwords are funny. You must type them in EXACTLY right. Can you please learn the difference between “O” as in Octopus and “zero”, the number after the “9” on the keyboard? You know, that’s why I say that phrase, because I know you think “O” and “0” are interchangeable. But, as this TWO HOUR support call has proven, they are not.

Thank You for your attention to detail, Yes - Left Click,



Anonymous said...

Let me guess, did you have a bad day?

Anonymous said...

Ah...customer support work. It's enough to make you want to stab yourself in the ears with icepicks and gouge out your eyeballs with dull oyster forks.

Anonymous said...

Actually this sounds like a conversation with your Mater !

Christopher Paquette said...


MitMoi said...

Blue, I am NOT a meanie! The whole time I was pleasant on the phone. They have no idea they are driving me insane.

ps: M.O.T.O.R - in NO WAY does this post refer to YOU or IH8T24. <3 both of you to pieces!

Woodstock said...

I so do not miss my days on tech support. On the other hand, I bet you never have to explain to anyone why we can just pick and article up off the New York Times web site and repost it verbatim to your organization's web site ("Do you have copyright violation lawsuit money in your budget line item? Well, then we're not doing it and since I'm between you and the server...") ;)

Anonymous said...

Thank Goodness I read the comments! I thought you had "gone back in time" and were speaking of me! I still have to put a rock in my RIGHT hand to know which is which!
<3 You Too