I Have a Dream

I’ve now been solving the same problem in my dreams since 1 am. Over and over and over again. No - actually that is not true. My mind has been TRYING to solve the problem, but there is no solution. My dreams are of two types but really they are about the same thing: One: Where I am dreaming of the actual problem (importing data into our Marketing program) - and my mind acknowledges all the normal constraints about what can/cannot not be done about the problem - and then develops whiny-butt scenarios/arguments about how UNFAIR it is that the programmers have placed this straight jacked on me/our clients. No matter how much I argue and plead with them point out the INACCURACIES of their ASSUMPTIONS about how things SHOULD work, I am unable to convince them in the “courtroom of my mind” to change the process. Over and over my mind is trying to work out solutions. Over and over the solutions require many, many, steps. Each time I develop the many steps, I get pissed knowing this is 100 times MORE DIFFICULT than it should be - and more difficult than ANY OTHER PROCESS we have. It goes against EVERY GOOD IDEA "we", the company, has ever had. Two: I am being attacked. Someone is coming into my home and going to hurt me. They are angry and pissed because I have asked them to do too many things. Too many little irritating things – and they are ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY. I KNOW they're out there. I KNOW they want to hurt me. But I cannot DO anything about it. When I go to lock the door, my mother comes behind me and unlocks the door and says, "but you shouldn't HAVE to lock the door because people SHOULDN'T just walk in your house. That's impolite." Then I go to the kitchen to hide all the knifes. Same thing. "WHY are you hiding the knives?", she says. "Because he's going to hurt me if I don't.", I tell her. "But you SHOULDN'T HAVE TO hide your sharp knives so you don't get hurt.", she responds. By now I am pretty much hysterical - because this argument about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO is pretty much going to allow me to be killed. AND THERE HE IS ... approaching me ... and she is still yammering on about how things SHOULD WORK. Of course about this time everything slows down to syrup time. I cannot move fast. I cannot make my legs run - heck I can't even make them walk. I expend huge amounts of energy just trying to lift one foot. I takes ALL my effort to take one step. And then I've only taken one step - and need to take MORE so I can get way. But NOOOOO - I cannot hurry anything up. It's like being the Bionic woman in reverse. Of course NOW my brain - "The Logical One" steps in to tell me all the problems with my dream. "The Logical One" is very matter of fact and organized.

1. No one is trying to get into your house.

2. If they tried, they could not because you locked the doors before you went to bed.

3. Your windows are all closed and locked too.

4. Do you HEAR any noise? Of course you don't - because NO ONE is trying to get in.

5. You do not need to hide anything, like your chef's knife - because NO ONE is trying to get in.

6. IF someone were breaking in, you could roll over in bed and pick up your phone and dial 911

7. (if you could see the numbers on the phone in the dark)

8. But NO ONE is trying to get in, so don't worry about the fact that you cannot see the numbers/buttons in the dark.

9. You CAN move faster than this. This is illogical - wake up.

And I do. Wake up - and lay here at 3:00 in the morning wanting to go back to sleep. But my mind cannot release the problems in dream number one and so I go over and over and over the problems and possible solutions in my mind. Becoming angrier and more upset each time I realize I AM TRYING TO SOLVE WORK PROBLEMS IN MY SLEEP - and I NEED SLEEP to be a coherent person in the morning - and this is not solving anything. 3:30 am This has not made me sleepy. It has not taken my mind off my problems (duh). But at least my eyes are focusing - so now I will try to read "Bayou Farewell" and see if the plight of the Louisiana wet lands cannot give me something DIFFERENT to worry about so I can get back to sleep. :(