Monday, August 20, 2007

What I wanted to write

is not what you're going to read. As I go through each day, I file away little bits and pieces, or write little scraps down here and there, and then use them to become the stories you read. This morning, when I opened open up my hotel door, with just a towel wrapped around me - to snag the paper - and there was a man coming down the hall ... and I was already too far out in the hall to hide behind the door? I thought "Here's my story ... I can make this really humorous for tonight and poke fun at myself for treating hotels "just like home"." Then I went downstairs to set up for the meeting. But the meeting room I confirmed on Friday wasn't ready. It wasn't even on the books. Again I though, "Ha-ha! I can add this to the funny story about flashing unsuspecting businessmen in the hotel hallway." Thankfully the room wasn't reserved by anyone else, so the Manager and I quickly set it up. I was ready to go at 8:00 am - and no one showed up. Which actually is a GOOD THING. The first hour of the meeting is for people who DON'T use our industry specific production software - but DO use our industry specific communications package. The week I was in Georgia, that distinction hadn't been clear in the letter - and 1/2 our clients (who didn't need to be there) came an hour early - and none of the clients who NEEDED TO BE THERE showed up. *SIGH* As I sat there in the room, I began to tweak a few pieces of the database - and congratulated myself on having this whole hour to prepare. I also sent an e-mail or two, when suddenly I noticed a message from a co-worker. Here it is: 8:28 AMGitting Married Girl: Mittttttttttttany are you there?
give me a call at the office when you get a chance
8:33 AM me: yep - i'm here - no good cell phone connection
Getting Married Soon Girl: okay - just wanted to make sure you made it to your meeting - ADD Boy said people were calling looking for you
me: in Dothan, Alabama?
Getting Married Soon Girl: yeah
he said people called and said they were at the meeting and you weren't
8:34 AM me: uhh, i'm here at the HOTEL lNN
where are they?
8:35 AM Getting Married Soon Girl: in dothan???
me: yep
Getting Married Soon Girl: um .... Mittany
08/20/2007 Gin/Warehouse Dothan, AL D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T HOTEL NAME (334)XXX-XXXX XXXX Ross Clark Circle N.W.
me: FUCK
Getting Married Girl: thats what it says on the website
me: OKAY
Getting Married Girl: okay
8:36 AM ill call the hotel
me: Can you tell them i'm on my way
So I thought "Well, that will certainly make it a funny, funny story." I quickly packed up my stuff, explained to the manager what the deal was - paid the setup fee and joined all the nice clients who were waiting for me over at DIFFERENT HOTEL NAME. As I started, just 2 minute late, I though, "This is no big deal. Just put it behind you - your day will get better." NOT. Remember the "DATA TWEAKING" I started? Yeah, well me, not so much. So 1/2 way through the day stuff got really "screwy" because the data was only half modified. Anyway - finished the meeting, received some nice compliments, packed up - put my stuff in the car and headed out of town. AND MISSED MY LEFT TURN. After driving another 6 miles - I turned around and fixed my mistake. (DO NOT UTTER THE WORDS "GPS, GARMIN, or MAGELLON, or I will come through this screen and smite you). I drove though all of these impossible little towns on roads where the top speed is 45 mph and sometimes (WHEN THERE'S NO CONSTRUCTION - which obviously WILL NEVER BE IN MY LIFETIME) 55 miles per hour.
Do you notice how there are no major roads to drive between here and there? Further, I was also told by a customer before I left on this trip, "The State of Alabama was running a campaign called, "Take Back Our Highways". They issued 26,126 tickets in 5 days". SO .... I thought it prudent to DRIVE THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT ... and spend hours, and hours, and hours going 133 miles. As I S-L-OOoooooOOOooooOOOO-W-L-Y drove those miles, I thought about the great book I'd been reading. The Best American Short Stories 1989 by Margret Atwood. I'd read a story by Rick Bass, Alice Munro, and ... a bunch of other people. See, if I still HAD THE BOOK, I could tell you who the other authors were, and the titles of the stories. But apparently in my haste to evacuate "Hotel Inn" and get to "Different Hotel Name", I left the book behind (with my phone card, a copy of my used plane tickets, my rental car agreement, a receipt or two, and the beginnings of a poem written on a napkin last night while at dinner, which were all stuffed inside the book) in the meeting room. Perversely, I tried to maintain a positive attitude. Despite the aching wound on my left heal, from the new pair of shoes I bought last Thursday, that look so cute with my new outfits. Arriving at my destination, I hobbled into the hotel to check in. Only to find that my request for a ground floor room HAD ONCE AGAIN BE DENIED - and I would have to lug my CRAP up the STAIRS to my room, as this LUXURY ACCOMEDATION does not have an elevator. This is where I discovered the OTHER CUTE PAIR OF SHOES that I wore today were, ONE SIZE BIGGER THAN THE BLISTER INDUCING SHOES, and don't stay on my feet, and cut-in across my high arch. Opening the door to my VERY HOT ROOM in the hotel "where-they-don't-run-the-AIR-CONDITIONING-before-you-arrive", I determined I'd have to go buy a pair of shoes, AND A BOOK, before eating dinner. Knowing how my day was progressing, I was almost disappointed to find out this tenny, tiny, town does indeed have a Hel-Mart. I went to Hel-Mart - found a pair of slip-on tennis shoes, IN WHITE (not the color of either pair of pain inducing shoes) and then limped to the book section. Amazingly enough, they did have a few books that were not ROMANCES, SPY THRILLERS, OR MURDER MYSTERIES. I finally picked up, "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" for my reading pleasure. Throughout the whole day I was consoling myself with the idea of a cold beer and a good Mexican dinner. Forgetting I was in a DRY COUNTY where I could not order a beer, I remained HOPEFUL the Tacos al Carbon would make up for the days shortcomings. I'm sure if they were made with CORN TORTILLAS, NO PLASTIC CHEESE, and PICO DE GALLO SALSA, like I requested, it might have worked. *sigh* So now I sit in tonight's hotel room, trying turn this into a funny story, and realizing I have fallen sadly short of my goal. WHAT A SURPRISE. Natch!


tp said...

I think it's hysterical ! But then, my heels don't hurt and I didn't go thru all the "stuff" you did today !!!! That would drive ANYBODY to drink !!!!

Somewhere in here you were pretty much on schedule for the day ??? Amazing, amazing, amazing !!!

Better luck tomorrow - !!!!

I H8 24 said...

You need to keep an ice checst in the back of your car and a flask in your purse for just such days as this!!!

Christopher Paquette said...

freakin' awesome post! The "Best of" short story series are fantastic..... I don't have 1989, but I have plenty others.... maybe I'll loan you a couple.....maybe.

CG said...

Imagine if that wonderful coworker of yours hadn't gotten ahold of you!

I picked up the same book you did at JFK late one night before the newspaper place closed because my flight was (of course) delayed. I never finished it and I think its buried in my car somewhere. It was that enthralling.

Mit_Moi said...

Canes Girl ... dig it out of your car .. and you are right ... My co-worker is FEAKIN' AWESOME, and I am going to be lost without here. Who will square away my booking messes??

And WHY am I having so many f'ups this trip?? *sigh*

Mit_Moi said...

or lost with out HER ... :(