The Benefits of Stress and Procrastination

What! You didn’t think there were benefits to either of these conditions? Behold … Moi. Read previous entry regarding Brain Blender. Some where in the puree I mentioned 3 days to during which I could have pickup my house and prepare for a dinner party tonight. And on the fourth day I found myself with? …. Care to guess? Yep – that’s right, a house that I wouldn’t even let a neighbor in, much less members of my church dinner group. A close friend describes my mental state before company arrives as a “high-hover”. I think it’s a combination of excitement buzz and self-confidence anxiety. So last night I posted instead of cleaning. With all good intentions of getting up this morning and foregoing my 2 hours of newspaper reading to prepare my house for company. Upon awaking this AM? I jumped in the shower, started the coffee, made breakfast, trotted out to the front yard for the morning paper … and READ IT. *no self-control* Then I began to debate and negotiate with myself: Reasonable Me: Just dust-mop the hardwood floors and close the doors to the rest of the house, who needs to clean everything? Fanatic Me: ARE YOU KIDDING? Some of your guests have never been to your house – what would you do if they wanted to see the rest of it? Reasonable Me: Show them the bedrooms and let them know how much you’ve been working since you returned home. Fanatic Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?! Allow the king and queen (terms of endearment for two of my guests) to see my house in an IMPERFECT state> Reasonable Me: The purpose of these dinner parties is to meet other people, NOT to participate in a cleanliness competition. Besides, you’re an amazing cook. Once they sit down to eat they’ll never look further than their plate. Fanatic Me: OH BE REAL! When you go to someone’s house, you notice if there are cobwebs in the corners – or dust on the end tables. Besides, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE KITCHEN FLOOR?!! Reasonable Me: Okay – obviously you’ll be a total nut cake if you don’t clean your house before they arrive tonight. But you’ll get off work at 4:00 pm and they won’t arrive until 6:45 pm. That’s more than enough time to pick up and cook and set the table and be relaxed before they show up … Hey wait … this is supposed to be reasonable me … what you’ve just described if “Fanatic Me” thinking she can do all that in 2 hours. Fanatic Me: OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! Reasonable Me: Do not freak out. There’s a solution here. You spend 42 days on the road. You’re a great employee. Just call, tell them you’ll be in later and get the work done. Fanatic Me: Did you forget the president of the company is in town and they’re going to give you your annual evaluation? Besides, you know you’re a horrible liar. What are you going to say? “Uhhhh, I know it’s our busy season, but I can’t keep my house clean and I’m having company over for dinner so I can’t come to work? (Hey – this is sounding halfway reasonable.)

Reasonable Me: Calling the regional GM. “Hello? This is Moi. Ummm I’m calling in sick. I’m not sure if I’ll be out all day or just for part of the day”.

GM: You’re calling in sick but don’t know if you’re sick for part of the day or the full day?

Moi: Well, not really sick – I just have some personal business that I didn’t get done while I was on the road, and I’ve kept putting it off, but it has to be done before my “appointment” this afternoon.

GM: You know your review is today, right?

Moi: Yeah, well, just add this to the list of black marks that are already piled up against my name.

GM: So you’ll be out all day?

Moi: No … I’ll really try to focus and concentrate so I can get my stuff done quicker. If I do, maybe I can get there for a half a day. I’ll keep you posted. Okay? **crosses fingers**

GM: Okay. Let me know.

Here’s the benefit of procrastination … If I procrastinate long enough, I become SUPER efficient. In 4-hours I: 1. Washed and folded all of my laundry 2. Stripped my bed 3. Washed the sheet/made the bed 4. Filed all the bills/correspondence on my desk 5. Dust-mopped under the bed/behind the desk/behind the dresser/behind the bureau/ under the chair and in the closet. 6. Dusted the desk/window sills/ceiling fan/dresser/bureau/dehumidifier/and washer/dryer 7. Emptied the dehumidifier 8. Replaced the light-bulb in the laundry closet 9. Replaced the air-filter in the heat/air-conditioner return vent 10. Made the guest bed, put away the un-ironed ironing 11. Mopped the bathroom floor/cleaned the sink and toilet 12. Wiped down the mirror 13. Swept the kitchen florr/Mopped the kitchen floor/put away the dishes in the dish drainer 14. Dust-mopped the living room/dinning room and dinning room table 15. Set the dinning room table 16. Swept the front porch 17. Brought in the garbage cans and recycling bin 18. Took another shower, drove through McDonalds for a child’s meal 19. Arrived at work before 1 pm! The benefit of stress? If I hadn’t been stressed I never would have: 1. Wanted to clean up in the first place 2. Convinced myself it was okay to take time off from work to take care of me 3. Cleaned without getting lost in the little details no one would ever notice. Bottom line? A relaxing 4 hours of work, a good review (OMG) at work, and in home in time to cook the Creamy Shrimp and Tomato Soup and Jasmine rice – and enjoy my company!