Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Happy Anniversary and Happy Birthday

I received my last speeding ticket OVER a year ago!  For those of you who know me – that’s quite a record.  For those of you who don’t … let me just through out this adjective.  Impatient!

I’m not an aggressive driver.  I don’t have to be first.  I don’t weave in and out of traffic – but I do expect you to M-O-V-E as in speed (I would NEVER come up behind you and flash my lights for you to get out of my way) – and if you’re moving SLOWER than me – then pull to the right-hand lane.

I drive many, many miles in my job.  I just want to travel the 800 mile (in a day) and get there.  I haven’t received any tickets (well, accept in South Carolina) on major interstates.  However, I do have tickets from small municipalities in 7 of the 13 cotton producing states. (And the one I got a year ago in my present state of residence.)

I decided to “mend my evil ways” after the last ticket in Louisiana, two years ago.  I still think there was nothing WRONG with me passing 3 cars and two semi-tractor trailers at once.  There was no on-coming traffic – I had a clear view for 10 miles, ya-da, ya-da, ya-da.

I was very polite to the officer (once he caught up to me – ‘cause I thought he was going to pull over one of the semi’s for going to fast.  Not me!)  After all our politeness to each other, and discovering he really hadn’t run my drivers license to see how many points I had, he said he’d do me a FAVOR and my ticket would be less than $200.00.  Okay I said with a big blue-eyed, red-headed smile.  Because no ticket had ever been for more than $80.00.  You can imagine my SHOCK when I called in to find out how much I owed – and the sweet small town dispatcher said, “180”.  

Me: “No, I wasn’t doing a hundred and eighty – my ticket says E-I-G-H-T-Y, 8-0 … less than one hundred”, I clarified for her.

STD: “I know you were doing 80 mph – and passed 5 vehicles in a forty-five mile an hour zone ma’am. What I’m telling you is you OWE $180.00 dollars.”

Me: “ ……”

STD: “Ma’am are you calling on your mobile phone, did you hear me? Ma’am?”

Me: “That’s a f’ing lot of expensive scotch!”

STD: “Ma’am??!”

Me: “Never mind – do you take debit cards?”

STD: “No ma’am.  Only cash in person and CAHSIERS CHECKS – NO MONEY ORDERS!”

Me: “And how soon do you need this?”

STD: “4 days”

Me: “……. Crap (under-my-breath)

So I’m a reformed driver after paying for the ticket, and the cashiers check, and the overnight mailing!

(Except for the local ticket – which I got down to 54 in a 45 when it was really for 75 in a 45! And I looked that judge SQUARE IN THE EYE, and said, “No ma’am I’ve never had a ticket IN THIS STATE”, with all clear conscience!

So – this is my one-year anniversary from that date.  

And today is my b’day!  How nice to be born on such a beautiful spring day!


Joe said...

Happy Birthday! Getting a ticket on your birthday would suck; getting past one must be nice.

Silly Old Bear said...

Happy birthday! A bit late, but still...

I hate getting tickets. Worse if the kids are with you, they'll never ever let you forget it, even if you somehow get just a warning.