Friday, November 20, 2009

Food Riddles that Drive Me Crazy

You know - I didn't think I've always been interested in food. I mean, I've written before about how I was a pretty picky eater as as a kid - and didn't enjoy much variety in my food selections. So I just assumed I didn't become a "foodie" until third or fourth grade.

But today I was discussing food (imagine that!) with a friend - and the topic of "Lit'l Smokie Sausages" came up. This friend was talking about how great they were in baked beans. Personally I think baked beans are only 1 step up the horrid ladder from Velveeta Cheese, Spam, Cheeze Whiz and Cream o'something soup. And natcho cheese (all of which reside on the lower rungs of the ladder or inner circle of Dante's Hell, I am sure).

Anyway - Lit'l Smokies reminded me of Pigs-in-the-Blanket. A name I've never understood. I mean - I understood even as a kid that sausages came from pigs - hence that part of the name. But what's up with "blankets"?

Wilburn didn't sleep under a blanket. Those huge ugly hogs my dad showed me at the fair (and tried to convince me they were "pigs" too) didn't have blankets (unless you counted their show vests) ... so why the hell would you name a food item "Pigs-in-the-Blanket"?

I am also a very visual/literal person. So the first time I encountered "Pigs-in-the-Blanket" on a restaurant menu, I was intrigued and willing to give them a chance. I was also SUPREMELY disappointed when they showed up.


I mean ... couldn't they have notched the dough to make pigs ears? Added some little button of dough for a snout? And where the hell was the curly tail? DID THEY NOT KNOW WHAT PIGS LOOKED LIKE?

Adults - so confusing. I mean - no good explanation for  "blankets" and pigs that didn't look like pigs. No wonder I was so suspicious of food.

Of course, the story about Little Black Sambo did nothing to improve the situation. Now in the 1980s - this business was labeled as a politically incorrect name and story - and frankly - it has never bothered me for those reasons - and I was sorry to see the Sambo's Restaurant Chain embroiled in the controversy.

BUT the whole idea of Tigers turning into butter???

Once again I must say, "What the hell, Adults?"

Do you not know that butter comes from COWS and not tigers??

So if you want the story to make sense ... it must be cows (which are sacred in India - and kind of add a nice cultural circle if you ask me) that happened upon Little Sambo and deprived him of his fine clothes - and then fought with each other and ran around the tree becoming butter.

I LOVED going to Sambo's to eat. And I loved the story. But it BOTHERED ME so much about those tigers. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

So - what childhood food stories bothered you?


Anonymous said...

Did they really bother you that much as a child ? You never talked about it ? You sure this isn't one of your adult realizations ???? *o* tp

Megan said...

A. You can cook for me anytime you want. It sounds like you are way better at it than me, and I'm really no slouch.

B. Finally, another cheese snob! Frankly, I was in my 20s and married before I realized how disgusting that processed cheese food stuff is. My husband has always refused to even speak of it, and he sort of weaned me off. When I tried it again after a steady diet of the good stuff, I realized my cheese innocence was never coming back.

C. I always got the "blanket" part of pigs in the blanket (the pancake - she is a blanket) long before I connected the pig part. Embarrassingly long.

D. I was the only child on the planet who hated sloppy joe's. I always wondered where the joe part came from, and also, I have always been OCD. I hated eating them because they were so messy. And also, that "Joe" part freaked me a little.

MitMoi said...

Oh.MY.Megan!!! You are RIGHT about Sloppy Joes! Seriously! Who wants to be a slob when they eat? Besides - that tomato glop is SOOOOO sweet. Ugg.

and lol @ "embarrassingly long".

TP - YES - it has ALWAYS bothered me. It just seemed there were much more important food battles to wage at the time.

Anonymous said...

What we never know - and this from one who would only eat plain jello and soda crackers !!!!*O*

Lisa Paul said...

If you are on the Right Coast, you'd better get used to baked beans. They are fabulous. Done right. That means not out of a can but cooked for 8 hours in Maple Syrup (never molasses). And no horrible greasy salt pork in them either. Only some crumbled crisp bacon for flavor.

Five words for you: Fire Department Bean Hole Supper. There's got to be one happening near you.