Monday, October 26, 2009

I which Mit makes the Baby Jesus Cry

Today ... was MONDAY. In every sense of the word.

It stared when the menu (that I didn't make and wasn't asked to confirm ingredients on) listed breakfast as "cereal". 


There WAS NO cold cereal. 

Had anyone bothered on Friday, a check of the PANTRY would have revealed that information. (Let us quietly review the "Quick Grits vs. Instant Grits" scene from last week in which COLD cereal saved the day.)

So I made oatmeal. But apparently "oatmeal" isn't "CEREAL." This is when the Baby Jesus started to get cranky. 

I dressed up the oatmeal with bowls of brown sugar and raisins on the side, but it was as if I'd added rat turds and ground mothballs. Apparently Baby Jesus isn't use to such "airs" in the south.

The next hurdle that furthered Baby Jesus' bad day was lunch. 

Normally the food order is placed on Thurs. and delivered on Friday. Last week "management" placed it on Friday. It would arrive "on Monday morning" I was told.

Lunch was slated to be meatloaf. Of course I had to ask if it was made from scratch - or "pre-made". 

The Answer? 

"Oh, it's not JUST pre-made! IT'S EVEN PRE-SLICED!!! 

(Clearly they considered this a boon - and I'd beg to differ.) 

"You just put the slices in the microwave to warm up," they told me. (gag) 

And the potatoes? Apparently frozen - like hash browns, but red-skinned 'taters (also easy to 'cook' in the microwave).

At 9:15 when I delivered (the unexpected) breakfast menu, I asked WHEN the food order was arriving. "Oh, It's usually here between 10 and 10:30," I was told.

10:40  arrived. (and left)

No food order. 

I call the Director and ask her for an ETA. 

She calls to "track it down". 

At 11:10 the Director and and Admin. Assistant show up to see what "WE" can do because they have no idea when the order is going to show up.

When my august visitors arrived in the kitchen I was doing an inventory of all the freezers, refrigerators, and the pantry . When they said, "There are chicken nuggets in there," I was in a good place to tell them, "Only one package. It says it serves 20."

"Oh, look! Your list says 'Fish Sliders'. We'll do those." Only enough for 48 I tell them. 

(totally keeping my mouth shut about the poor choice of marketing ... Fish "sliders"?? I connotate the word "slider" with "slimy" and "slick" and I don't REALLY think that's the association children should have with fish.) 

(However, the "naturally shaped square fish" had previously been fried ... so I guess that negates the slimy factor.) 

So we had, Chicken Nuggets for the "young ones", and Fish Sliders for the "toddlers" (who apparently are NOT 'young') (I'd hate to know what 30-somethings and 40-somethings are classified as), and green beans for all!!! 

I also served diced pears in-heavy-corn-syrup for some of the classes and sliced peaches in-heavy-corn-syrup for others. (Although apparently we don't need to serve "dessert" with the meal.) (Silly me, I thought the fruit with a main and veggie  was considered a 'balanced' meal, not providing "dessert")

Our starch was INSTANT, it-looks-like-glue or paste-with-butter-pellets-in-it, POTATOES. 

And I committed a crime (which was rectified) against the high-fructose corn syrup syndicate - because I didn't serve the chicken or fish with KETCHUP on the side.  

I am sure the Baby Jesus threw up a little in his mouth when he sat down to lunch. Then he burst into tears.

As my penance I am drinking cheep white wine tonight.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That rici e bici sounds really good ! How many does it serve ??? tp