Saturday, September 06, 2008

What a Pain-in-the-Butt

My friend Doctor Whiney Esq. sent me an eVite while I was out on the road. He’s holding a birthday luau for his girlfriend today. I didn’t respond to it – because it would be my first Saturday back home after being gone for 24 days and I was pretty sure I’d want to be a slug.

Then I talked to him Wednesday night.

“So – what do you have planned?” I asked.

“I have decorations and Hawaiian music. But I can’t find the CDs.”

“What about the food?”

“I don’t know. Everyone is bringing a side dish. I’m supplying the Kalua pork.”

You all know me. I had to ask. “Do you have a recipe? Do you know how to cook one? What ELSE are you doing?”

You already know what his answers were, don’t you?

So Thursday night I developed a menu with a few appetizers and found an authentic recipe. But since Hannah the Hurricane has dumped so much water … and I didn’t know about this until last night (yes, I live in a cave, and no I wasn't paying any attention to Hannah. ) … we’ll be using an indoor oven instead of a pit. (Hard to get a fire going when the rain is pouring down. Not to mention keeping the sides of the pit from caving in.)

Yesterday he called me at work sounding kind of wild. “Where do I find banana leaves? What’s liquid smoke? Are there such things at unsalted peanuts?? I don’t have any of this stuff in my kitchen cabinets!!”

So I agreed to meet him after work to help him with the shopping. Because our list was ridiculously short. It contained:

Basil, chickpeas, macadamia nuts, pita bread, liquid smoke, butter, brown sugar, unsalted peanuts, banana leaves, a birthday cake to feed forty poeple and a boneless pork butt, also known as a, Boston Butt or Picnic Butt.

Out of that list what do you think would be the most difficult to procure? The Banana Leaves?


Ordering the cake to feed forty at eight-thirty at night the day before the party?


Who knew trying to find a boneless butt would be so much trouble??

We went to 5 grocery stores and a BJ's (like a Sam's Club) and didn't find a Boston Butt or a Picnic. Or if we found them, they had a bone in them.

I woke up at 8:00 am this morning to call another BJ's. No dice.

So now Doctor Whiney Esq. is driving over to Chapel Hill to a butcher's to get the piece of meat - and they'll debone it for him. Which is kind of silly - because I'm sure those other places could have deboned it too. (But what guy cleaning up the meet department wants to debone a butt at 8:00 o'clock at night, right?)

After Dr. Whiny Esq. called and told me of his mini-meat-road trip, I fell back to sleep. I dreamed I was trying to do a seminar - but none of the equipment was working right. I couldn't get the mouse to move or click, the browser to minimize, the application to run ... and all the programmer/engineers were outside UNLOADING A TRAILER. Guess it's just my subconscious being frustrated about the pig.

I'm glad I've offered to help him out ... as clearly he'd be a loony-toon by now - but boy it sure is hard to want to crawl out of this bed. Everywhere I look in my house there's a layer of dust that needs to be removed. Not to mention laundry and unpacking my suitcase. I could very easily just fall back to sleep, right now.

As far a Hannah - well - she woke me up a few times with pounding rain - but there is no flooding or tree damage on my street - or in front of my house. Of course, I have yet to turn on the TV ... but I assume it's pretty much the same everywhere else.

So happy boneless butt, rainy, I better get my act together, and start cooking, first Saturday back to everyone!


I H8 24 said...

Hey! From Gustav to Hannah! Hope everything is getting back to normal for you!

Anonymous said...

Hey after being gone for 24 days have the six and eight legged critters taken up residency in the house? I remember one time visiting great Jucct's house in Orange Cove (before you were born) I lifted the bead spread and a large black widow dropped out from in between it and the sheets. You mioght want to check in, under and around your bed and couch. I hope that you have a nice sleep :>)


Woodstock said... favorite authentic Hawaiian dish was the laulau (shredded pork wrapped in taro leaves). I hope it all tasted as good as it read like it was going to taste.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I don't know whose house he stay in in Orange Cove, but I never heard that story before ?? And I'm really surprised !!! *O*

Glad you had no damage from the storm. No leaks up in the attic either ? You really time your rentries well, don't you ! *o* tp