Sunday, December 07, 2008

Disjointed Decorating (and other randon) Thoughts by the Insane

Getting ready to go into the attic. I feel like a big WAAAAAAmbulance.

Good news ...

No signs of rodents up there, my sleeping bags and tents are still in-tact. I brought my down-filled bag downstairs - and I'll air it out.

The not so good news ... HOLY &^%*$ ... I have WAY TOO MUCH STUFF. And why the hell do I get ATTACHED TO IT? It just makes me grumpy, annoyed, and feel out of control. I have TWO BOXES of caps. Like baseball caps. WTF? ... I never wear them. I wear like TWO - at the most THREE caps. EVER. They're from all the gins/farming operations/chemical companies, etc I've worked with.

AND OLD BILLS. They go back to 1987 that I can see by the writing on the outside of the box. There are about 7 or 8 paper-ream boxes of old bills. Ugg. I really need to bring the shredder home from work.

AND THEN ... what the hell? How many Christmas decorations does one person, who doesn't EVEN LIKE TO DECORATE, need?

I guess now that they’re down here in the living room, it doesn't look so bad. Four 23x16x9 boxes - and two bags. BUT STILL ... it feels like SO MUCH to put up ... especially knowing I'll just have to take it down off the tree and back up the ladder again in less than thirty days. (unless of course this turns into a Valentines/St. Patrick’s/East tree) WAAA-AAAH-WAAA-AAAH-WAAA-AAAH

Math is MUCH LIKE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS.

I have NO IDEA why I thought I wanted to do this. One string is brighter than the other - out of the four strings one is dead, one blinks, two don't. The blinky kind are my favorite ... and there's mold on floor behind the couch.

(Then I received some unasked for advice about how Christmas tree lights work. Something about the mystery “lead blinking bulb” and all lights in the string needing to be present and/or lit for the whole string to work)

One string is lit up, even though it is missing lights. Therefore your theory FAILS.

Decorating my tree - and cussing.

It's a BLUE Christmas at the Mitter house!!

See? I do have the holiday spirit!

Finally, the light lights are on the tree - and I just found some favorite ornaments. Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

I don't care anymore. I just want to be done with this project, or starting at three o'clock this afternoon so I could get pissed off as I drive from drugstore to overcrowded store looking for lights, instead of at six o’clock. I wish someone were here to help me .. yet I know I'd be telling them, "YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG".

I have the lights on ... and the garland. (red, gold, and pearl beads) ... and angel on top ..

Three ornaments so far.

I think it looks fine.

Can stop here?

Except ... I just uncovered my "southern cotton angle" ... it's an angel made from a cotton boll.

.... and my ornament from Alaska - and my Fly-fishing Christmas bear ... and a hand blown glass ornament from a friend in Az.

Then I began talking harshly to the Wooden Christmas Moose. (everyone has a redwood Christmas Moose, right??)

“STAY THERE Moosey..."

"Mr. Moose!DO NOT TWIST on the wire or the consequences will be severe!".

"Please??”

And why, I ask you .. does a single girl ... who one year used COOKING MITS as stockings ... now have 3 stocking to hang on her fireplace??? A hand cross-stitched one, a grinch and the typical red/white fur combo.

I also think frustrated anal people shouldn’t be allowed to decorate trees. I have moved one ornament 7 times. I’m now puting a moratorium on the purple glass ball. And the antique hand-painted deer globes.

Good LORD … HOW MANY TIMES MUST I MOVE AN ORNAMENT … ONLY TO REALIZE I AM CONTINUING TO CLUMP THEM IN THE SAME PLACE??

Ten o’clock. I am QUITTING. It is good enough.

Except for this one …

4 comments:

Allie said...

Good grief woman! You need to calm down! It's nothing to get all worked up about. If you continue to stress yourself out, I'm gonna drive over to your house, and sing Christmas songs, in my most tone deaf voice, whilst standing in your front yard, with my trusty megaphone. That'll teach ya!!

Hehehehe...er, um...HoHoHoHo.

:o)

Anonymous said...

So glad you finally got it finished - wish mine was up *~*

And --- I'm going to throw this computer as far as I can !!!!!!!! tp

I H8 24 said...

I was that way trying to bake cookies! It took me till 3:00 to get everything together--thought I had bought everything on Friday!! I had visions of making Christmas Palm Trees to take to FL, but they really didn't do what I wanted them to. Of course, I haven't baked cookies since the boys were little either!! Oh, well, like with my drinking, "I'm no quitter"!! I'll just try again. Have a glass of wine, it makes the job a whole lot more fun!!

Keetha said...

Bless your heart.