Thursday, July 10, 2008

Two, To, Too, One

Two Bugs

Last night as I said good night to my friend, I walked into the kitchen to turn off the overhead light. I noticed that in my haste to get to work yesterday, I’d left my counter stool kind of in the middle of the kitchen … or at least not under the counter. Glancing at it – it registered there was a LARGE black spot on it.

“Hmmm – I wonder what dropped on it?” My brain processes the shape – the possibilities – and my mouth screamed “Yieeeeks! It’s a bug! A F’ing B-I-G A-S-S bug.”

So I quickly retrieved a shoe from the living room and bashed the hell out of the bug. This left a huge pile of bug mush and juice on my stool. *sigh*

As I walked to the paper towel holder (located under the kitchen sink) I noticed a movement down near my BARE FEET.

“Gahhhhh!!!!ahhhhhgggg!!!”

Another damn bug. This one was more of a challenge to mash into pulp, but I succeeded. After wiping up the remains of the gooosh, and depositing the dead bodies in the garbage (usually I suck them up in the dustbuster, but they were too “wet” to suck up), I toddled off to bed – and refused to consider the possibility there are HUNDREDS lurking in my bedroom just waiting to pounce.

Two Running Men

Every morning as I drive to the YMCA, I meet the “TWO OLD RUNNING MEN.” They have wiry bodies, gray-haired concaved chests, and wrap reflective tape around their forearms.

It seems to not matter what the weather is, they jog sans shirts.

Every time I pass them, the outside runner lifts his outside forearm (like in the Wonder Woman pose).

I treat it as a silent greeting of camaraderie.

“Hello fellow early morning, still dark out, exerciser. Glad to see you’re heading to the Y.”

I wave back acknowledging that again today I have made it this far towards my daily work out.

In reality, I’m sure they’re just trying to “ward-off” the evil black TrailBlazer heading towards them at 5:00 am, but my little fantasy makes me happy.

(Wouldn’t it be funny if they make up a story about the delusional red-head who cheerfully waves at them each morning?)

Two Boobs

Yes, shocking I know. I have TWO BOOBS. This week they are rather tender. There is one machine at the gym where you lean your chest (boobs) against the triangle shaped pad, and then pull the weights towards you.

Most mornings I kind of marvel at how the pad fits between my non-existent cleavage, and how the boobs, they do not get in the way. And wonder about other, larger endowed women, and how this machine works (or doesn’t) for them.

Today, I could only notice how painful it was to squish that padded piece between the boobs. After the first repetition of 12, I reached up to rub where it hurt.

THEN I FELT ABOUT A MILLION MAN-EYES ON ME and stopped.

I did the second repetition, but grimaced with each pull.

I AM SO SKIPPING THAT EXERCISE for the rest of this week.

One workout completed

Today is the first time since I’ve gone back to working out that I finished the 30 minute elliptical without begging/cussing/pleading with me/Didi/God to complete it. I also finished the full weight circuit – even if I didn’t always complete the second rep of twelve on everything.

I cannot tell you how disgusted and discouraged I am to see how my lack of attendance has ruined my progress. I have another week in town – and then a week out of town. Packing my tennis shoes to workout is a huge problem (space) – so I’m not always good about working out on the road. Then I’m home for a week – then gone for the last three weeks of August. I’M NEVER GOING TO REGAIN or progress. < /self-pity >

5 comments:

mamie said...

One night I was at the beach with a friend, drinking beer and eating potato chips on the deck. I took a big swig of beer and felt something soggy. Thinking it was a chip, I bit down. It was a roach. They are not tasty.

Bedroom furniture said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CG said...

"I have another week in town – and then a week out of town. Packing my tennis shoes to workout is a huge problem (space)."

YOU MEANT STINK.

The Irregular Goddess said...

Holy lord...Mamie's comment just made me throw up in my mouth a little. Bugs are no good...especially the little flying ones. Yuck!

As for the Old Men Jogging...it really depends on the "fitness" of said men. Granted, they are older, but that doesn't always necessarily mean that they are...how shall I put this...flabbier with pale loose wrinkly skin that's covered in liver spots. Oh dear God...I just threw up in my mouth a little again. If the vision of their natural bods are too much too deal with at 5am, tell em to cover up. If it ain't too bad, I say get it on tape, and put it on YouTube (you can always morph the footage into a funny little Wonder Woman ditty with good software later on).

As for the ta ta issue...the fact is that all of us wonderful women have boobs. Sometimes they behave and don't interrupt our daily lives at all. Sometimes they are buggery and get in the way at inopportune times. I say be proud of the boobs!!! And if man eyes (or female eyes for that matter) look your way and glare...you stick the girls out proud, give the onlookers a little wink, and say "They're fabulous, aren't they?".

Finally, could you please stop with the negative talk? You have done so well up to this point, and you will continue to do so. So you took a small break...who cares? We all need breaks every once in a while!! Don't beat yourself up over it!! You rock, and you know it!! Go Mit!!

Okay...I think I've taken up enough of the comment space. It's someone elses turn now!

:o)

TIG

G Liz said...

Mit!!!!! You WILL get back to your previous progress...IF NOT BETTER!!! It just takes nasty work, which sucks!!!

Hop on a bike! Now that's fun!!!

Love ya chic!

Your "ST" sister!