Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Stranger Fears

Do you ever find yourself afraid of things that no one would ever believe were things YOU feared?

Like if you had a friend who was an airline pilot, it would be pretty weird to hear them say they were afraid of flying, wouldn't it?

Me? I'm an outgoing person. I talk to strangers everywhere. In line at the grocery store, at the car rental place, the bar, the restaurant, ON THE INTERNET, I am not shy or reserved by any measurement. Yet, I have two people I'm meeting this week, and I'm nervous about both encounters.

Tonight I'm meeting Geggie , a fellow blogger. We'd planned to meet a couple of months ago - but schedules didn't permit. As I was getting ready for work this morning I thought of sending her an e-mail along these lines:

Dear Geggie:

I cannot wait to meet you tonight. But I just want you to be prepared. I am not very fashionable - and my job - although it does include lots of traveling isn't nearly as interesting/fun/challenging as yours. I'm sure we'll have lots to talk about, but if you're thinking you're going to be meeting this professional/sophisticated person - please adjust your sights lower.

~Mit

Now HOW STUPID is that??

Then I read HER blog today - and realized we're BOTH slightly nervous. Now I don't feel so "all alone"! Yay for blogging!

Then there's my vacation in Dayton starting on Thursday.

At times, I can get rather "wound-up". I am overly dramatic, talk fast and loud, don't wait for people to respond, tell long rambling stories about nothing - and just in general kind of overwhelm people with my "Mitness".

I can tell when I'm doing this. They get that "OMG I'm tied on the railroad tracks and here she comes!" look on their face. You'd think if I noticed the look, I could stop myself. But I can't! It's like someone is stoking the engine with more and more coal - and even though the brakeman is trying to slow things down ... the engineer has the throttle FULL OPEN.

Some people? They like full-throttle Mit. Of course - they've met me before - and they are generally gregarious people themselves, able to hold their own, if you will.

Then there are those OTHER PEOPLE. The quiet, "don't-give-any-clue-about-what's-going-on-inside" people. They are like expert poker-players; cool, collected, never revealing anything. The more they stay behind the facade of impassiveness - the more I try to get some sort of response out of them. I'm like a magnet being drug in dirt around those people.

I know they are looking at me appalled at all the shit I've picked up from the dirt - thinking, "OMG - how do I turn her off?" And here, more and more stuff is clinging to me.

I SO don't want to be that person on Thursday (or Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon). I want the person I'm going to visit to be excited to see me. To show some of that excitement. To respond with enthusiasm to me - not just go into deep-freeze mode. I know if I told them my fears, they'd just blow them off. "Meh. We'll be fine."

But what if we're NOT fine? It's not like I have dozens and dozens of friends that send me pictures of cars everyday. Who'll talk me out of doing stupid things - who forces me to own up to my own game-playing.

At times (like for two seconds every hour) I can be really rational about this - and know I don't often alienate people the first time around (heh - usually it takes YEARS for people to decide "mercurial and quixotic" are fun to read, but not so fun to experience) and that I'm a great guest, fun person, nice to know blah-blah-blah. But those two seconds are SO DAMN FLEETING.

Well - anyway. I'm off! It's all going to go well. Geggie and I are going to laugh and drink and snack - and talk, and talk, and talk. And Dayton is going to be a great trip too. We'll still be friends when it's over - and I'll have done some lovely things and seen a new part of the US.

Thanks for listening to Mercurial Mit.

EDIT TO ADD:

Okay ...it's official. I'm a dork. Geggie was/is wonderful. (heh - "was" makes it sound like she's stowed away in my freezer now)

We did talk non-stop. We even know the same cotton farmers in Arizona!!! She is delightful and charming and witty. Next time she comes this way for a meeting, she'll be staying at Chez Mit! (Go me!)

5 comments:

Bob said...

Calm Down!

I am sure, like you say in the last paragraph, that it will all go well.

enjoy your trip.

Joseph H. said...

This is the woman who asked me over to her house after like three messages on OKCupid.

Geggie said...

Help! Help! Please let me out of the freezer. It's getting cold in here.

MitMoi said...

Just hush you! :) Soon you'll get all sleepy. Then you'll WANT to stay in there.

The Irregular Goddess said...

OMG Mit, how in the world do YOU get nervous about meeting people?!?!? You are such a wonderful and charming woman! You shant be nervous! You are fabulous, and you know it!