Psycho babble

I say and you think:

1. Tripple :: sec
2. Rationing :: water
3. Wrong :: answer
4. Mother :: Superior
5. Lotion :: snow skiing
6. Hesitate :: opportunity lost
7. Home :: alone
8. Stumble :: what I'm doing through life
9. Procedure :: Waterfall < inside joke in the ongoing Agile/Waterfall development debate
10. Faithless :: empty

Free association is described as a "psychoanalytic" procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content." Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this exercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique.

The mind's camera

Do you ever do this? 


I don't have kids (obvsly) ... but there are times and places where I stop myself - and enjoy the moment and take mental pictures ... because I never want to forget.

For me - they usually center on light and music.

Like I have all these internal pictures of my childhood bedroom ... and how the sun would pour through a window ... and splash off the tile window ledge ... and the tile would sparkle ... and the room would have a special glow ... and you could see the dust motes dance. And if it was a Saturday ... the jazz my dad was playing would come through the air vents ... and I could hear the pots and pans banging around in the kitchen as he made breakfast ...

And I always thought to myself, "this! this is the perfect hour. Never, ever, ever forget this. The light, the sounds, the feel of this time."

I have those stored up from camping in tents at Buck's Lake and Plumas Eureka ... and the places I lived in Arizona - and my house here .... to Meg and Lee's house  - their porch ... the kitchen - the family room ... and Heather and Tom's old house (my friends in Az) ... from London and McGehee Arkansas to San Francisco and Boone, NC ... the Grand Tetons ... Amsterdam ... Blue Wing Teal's home in Abington, PA ... the Sink's place at Atlantic Beach ... the Farm House on the Saint Lawrence, light on the limestone road cuts in Indiana on the way to Ferdinand, Ind; the living room in Monterey, Louisiana, Grandpa and Grandma's cabin at Huntington Lake  .... all the best places. (and there are about 100 more that are not listed here). 

What I learned

Today I read this cooking blog post, "The Confidence Question"

It aligns with the Agile Manifesto - specifically the section on Iterative and Incremental Development. 

So here's the bottom line. I feel comfortable and safe with incremental learning and the iterative process in cooking. 

In my professional life? Not so much. Why?

 This is so timely. Thank you. I am a former chef – who now lives/works in the software world as a Product Manager. (this means I design the things you use).

As a cook – I am fairly fearless … I know the basics – and if something doesn’t work out – I review for “lessons learned”. Almost always – I am the harshest critic of the meal/dish – while everyone else just eats.
Without much loss of confidence I just adjust for the next time (rapid iteration).

But in my professional life? *shudder*. Any failure/shortcoming is a LACK OF ME … not “Oh! What did I/we learn – let’s work with the team to come up with something better.”

What’s the difference in the two situations … and how do I come to grow and promote the lessons that I’m so willing to try and SHARE in my professional life?

Return

Each time I return I feel more complete.

Ways to count a successful trip:

1. Proper footwear ... proper food. 

1. Mexican food for breakfast first 3-days :)
2. Attending the Delta Pine & Land for Field Day (although it rained for the first time in the history of field days (look at this!)

Saguaros and Palo Verde trees 

And wide open spaces - so I don't feel hemmed in - and I feel expansive - and visionary 

'

Plus I attended the wedding of year. Sky rockets in flight!

Hopeful

So ... I have 10 other things I should be doing ... 

But at the moment I feel enthusiastic and hopeful ... so I should share, right?

This month is my one year anniversary of being a "Product Owner" and part of the Solutions/Product Management team. March (which feels like it was just last month) was my 4-year anniversary here. 

What does this mean?

• I worked in Az as part of a Commodity Brokerage team for 6 years 
• I worked as a Commodity Manager/Information Manager for 2 years in CA
• I worked as many things (Dir. of Support, Sr. Imp/Training staff member) for 9 years (ok ... that sounds like forever) for a cotton software company in North Carolina 
• I went back to being a chef for 6 months
• And now I've been in healthcare software for 4 years - and had 3 different jobs in the same company

I don't know what it means ... maybe there's a link through all of this?

More questions ... what does a "Product Owner" do? If you live in the land of "Agile Development" this means that I'm the more "technical" side of the product management team.  It means someone else (the Product Manager) is the "visionary" person ... 

Example of a Product Manager's vision: "We need "things" people can hold and take to meetings with them and still see all their reports/data - (aka a laptop/tablet/smart phone). 

As a "Product Owner" is is my responsibility for translating those dreams and vague ideas into concrete (small) items that a development team can produce to meet the larger purpose. I need to know all the nuts and bolts and pieces of the product (if it already exists), or all the lessons learned from talking to customers about our previous product(s) - and translate them into making a new/better different product work/better. I work daily with the development team to bring these small pieces to life.

Thankfully "technical" doesn't mean I have to understand "method calls" and "objects", API's, SOAP and REST, and how to write code. It does mean I need to understand data-tables, relational databases, and when we are using REST vs SOAP. 

I also get to draw pictures of what new computer screens should look like, and tell people how they should work ... and then when they ask questions I don't understand I can hide behind, "Teach me" and "make me a diagram" ... and "what do YOU think is best?" and "let me show our customers and get some feedback".

I kinda love it. And I love the teams of developers I work with. They are the best guys (and women) EVER. 

Outside of work ... hmmm ... seems as there's not much "outside of work" these days. 

However, I did go on two(!!!) business trips in September (as first in four years) ... 

And! Tomorrow I get on a plane to go back to Arizona to visit a friend and watch her daughter (who was born when I lived in Phoenix) get married. 

And!!! My visit coincides with Delta Pine & Land Field day ... so I get to stand in cotton fields again ... and talk to my former co-workers ... and FARMERS! and shoot the shit ... and look at plants and bolls and fiber and talk about the market (OMG ... I am so excited!!) ... plus ... the desert ... stark cinnamon-colored mountains and dusty-green saguaro cactus ... and prickly jumping-chollas ... and sage and tumbleweeds and high-moving cloud formations that you can see from 40 miles away ... and THUNDER and LIGHTENING STORMS ... maybe even a flash flood or two (ok ... not that I want to be stuck in one) ... but Oh! to experience the smell, and feel and sounds!

It's going to be the most amazing 7-days. 

And now I better go pack!!

What's worth saving for?

I wish dieting was like saving.

I've gotten really good at the routine of saving money ... maybe even too good, because I feel guilty for spending on anything that's not a necessity.

However, I have not gotten good at the 'routine' of dieting. And when I eat "over budget" I excuse myself.

Which kind of indicates to me I am more afraid on pennilessness in old age than poor health.


Hmmm

Bablbe

It's Friday night here ... and late morning coffee time Sat. there ... in Oz.

For a very nice change, I am home tonight. It's not often I feel like this on Fri nights. I am such a hermit on Sat & Sun .. (okay - maybe more of a sloth) ... but anyway ... lots of drama around my typical "Friday night date night w/Chef Mit" gig (that I have done for the last 1 1/2 years. which has ended those events in the near term) ... but I can't tell you what a relief it was to know I could get my work done (at my real work) at whatever time I wanted, tonight it was (6:45pm) ... and although I had to stop @ the grocery store before coming home .... there weren't (2-10) people waiting for me to get from office/to grocery store/to (chosen) residence/to make dinner ... and wondering how long it would take me to put something together.   

And it's NOT that I don't love cooking for people ... and entertaining them. But honestly ... if you're going to host me (and other people, or even JUST ME) .... and I'm going to cook ... and I typically work 45-50 hours a week (oh, wait ... that sounds like not that much) ... I think MAYBE you could go to the grocery store .. (hmm never-mind this story, lots of drama about people you don't know).

Anyway ... only cooking for myself to night ... so the only criteria is that *I* like it ... and I am more forgiving of my meals with just me eating them, than when anyone else is joining me (I know you are not surprised) ... and tonight is very pleasant.

So .. I'm trying to think of the last thing I told you.... and where I need to pick up in my narrative. Well there's a lot that will just remain in the past ... but I did get a new job/promotion!!!

... and I'm ASSUMING the new (salaried) position will be MORE lucrative (really - the only way to get a serious raise is to change companies, isn't it?), and a better fit - with more mental challenges and opportunities to affect/effect change. (although this end of technology certainly doesn't have the patina of history that cotton does/did.)

However ... on almost a daily basis I am gleeful that I won't be having to do "x" anymore (...clock in/out, clock time against a project budget (that's unrealistic), deal with a 1,000 program bugs (that bleed you dry like death via 1,000 paper cuts), hold generic webinars (that don't match anyone's workflow), deal w/customers every day that feel like they've bought a pig in a poke), sit back and deal with something (designed by someone with no insight) that doesn't work) ... and I can actually write processes that are DETAILED ... and avoid PITFALLS ... and help create new programs that avoid PREVIOUS mistakes (of course ... there'll still be things we don't think of, won't there ?.... and things that don't work the way they need to... and mistakes *sigh*) ... and ALL WILL BE ORDERLY (shut up, this is MY dream) in the Land of Implementation. 

Tomorrow night - I am going to see Sugarland  (I assume you are familiar) ... and on then on May 13th I fly to Cali ...!!! to attend my first Innovation Catalyst Forum (just think "JAMES BOND, AGENT of "School of Change!) ... and see a childhood friend (known him since I was 2 yrs old ... HOLY CRAP, WE SAW THE EARTH COOL!!!) ... and be in "my" city ... 

So ... hopefully the tide is turning. (Please dear God ... let the tide turn). 

A single income household REALLY sucks. $1,800 for the new hot water heater, another $1-1500 for some home maintenance shit, $800/for tires (looming), plus my 2006 computer took a dump ... and I am (horribly irresponsible and really want to buy a more expensive Apple product) so $1200 there ... and then vacation time (tacked onto the end of a business trip) to Cali ... and knowing my Dad's 81st b'day is in July ... plus my (cough/cough) XXX class reunion - so (maybe) another trip home .... and it could REALLY deplete the old "carefully saved" savings account ... that keeps the wolf at bay and allows me to sleep at night. (ok - well, sleep for 3 hour stretches.) 

so - this is me circa 2012.  

If you must break the silence ... make it

Brilliant!

Adding an egg yolk & pasta water w/starch to your sauce.

HOW AMAZING IS THAT?

ps: Please make sure you mix some finely grated cheese into your mixed egg yolk ...

Then slowly add the starchy pasta water.

Of course, if you're an aficionado, you you know this is the secret to amazing Spaghetti alla Corbonara .. (not to mention the prosciutto) ...

Tonight I made (a modified version of) Ditali with Asparagus (from one of my favorite books "Pasta Harvest" by Janet Fletcher).

Ingredients:

• 2 1/2 to 3 pounds thick asparagus spears
• 1 pound dried ditali ("thimbles") or cannetroni (I used smaller Ditalini by Barilla)
• 4 tbs unsalted butter, in pieces
• 1 egg yolk beaten* (this isn't in Janet's recipe)
• 1/4 cup chicken stock* ( (this isn't in Janet's recipe - and I just added 1 ice cube of frozen chicken stock)
• 1 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese (I used Raspberry BellaVitano - a type of Parmesan)
• Salt & Freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

• Bring large pot of salted water to boil.
• While waiting for water to boil
• Hold asparagus spears in both hands, bend gently until it breaks naturally at the point which the spear becomes tough. Repeat with remaining spears. Discard tough ends (duh).
• Cut spears crosswise into slices 1/3 inch thick, about the same length as the ditali.
• *Separate egg yolk from white in a small bowl (not in Janet's recipe)
• Grate cheese - and add about 1/4 cup to the egg, mix well
• When water boils, add ditali* (Janet's recipe indicates adding the  asparagus first - then adding the pasta - but my  asparagus wasn't thick enough to need to cook for more than 3 minutes)
• Before pasta is al dente - add asparagus (for me it was at 3 minutes left of the 10 minute pasta cook time)
• Cook until pasta is al dente and asparagus is still crisp tender
• Reserve 1/4 cup of pasta water - and add chicken stock to it 
• Drain pasta and asparagus 
• Add butter to (now empty) cooking pan - dump in pasta/asparagus combo
• Stir a few time to melt butter - then dump in yolk/cheese mixture and stir
• Season w/kosher or sea salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
• Add pasta water/chicken stock (about 1 tbs at a time) and stir a lot so starch/yolk/cheese make a yummy sauce. More stirring = more starch - and better sauce)
• Serve immediately on warm dishes
• Top w/some more freshly grated cheese

Seriously good.

ps: this is also a serious indication of how I can take something simple (Janet's recipe has 2 (long steps) and turn it into how to make a watch, instead of how to tell time (I have 17 steps)

Cookin’ not talkin’

I cooked something amazing the other night … and I thought about writing about it … but I didn’t. And now I don't remember what I cooked.

Maybe it was the soy/maple glazed pork chops that I grilled – w/apricot/ginger/cinnamon/brown mustard seed/and star anise spiked couscous.

Or – the apricot/whiskey/pork chops, or the orange marmalade crushed red pepper pork chops with … roasted rosemary potatoes (yawn). (yes ... I eat a lot of pork!)

Or – I did lemon/ricotta spaghetti with rocket (because I couldn’t find arugula) as a one dish meal.  And it was yum.

This last Friday I made this roasted pork loin w/herbs (although it calls for tenderloin) and this cauliflower (which will now be making an appearance @ Thanksgiving). I mean, roasted cauliflower w/herb & cheese … I was a hero on Friday night … even though I didn’t show up ‘till 7:10pm – and we ate a little after 8pm.

But tonight – I’ll write about my two “no recipe” experiments that turned out … really good.

I bought skinless boneless chicken breasts the other night (although if I were to do this again, I think I’d want skin on … and I bet you could roast/broil them) … and then I had all the herbs (tarragon, thyme, and parley) left over from the cauliflower … plus the parmesan.

So I slit a pocket in the breast – stuffed it with the minced herb/cheese mixture – and seasoned the outside w/salt and pepper (d’uh).  I sautéed them in a pan with butter/olive oil.

While that was going on – I diced a shallot – and sautéed it in butter in a medium sauce pan w/butter. Then I dumped in some almond slivers and couscous (Israeli) … and toasted them. When all was golden I added thyme – and chicken stalk. Let it simmer until the moisture was absorbed (so ½ cup couscous & ¾ cup chicken stock) then added ½ cup of diced dried sour cherries and Italian parsley. Fork fluffed/mixed together and served.

Not a bad meal. I think with the left-over breasts I’ll sauté some eggplant slices – and then dress the chicken w/some crusted tomato sauce w/basil and parmesan … hello Italian night.   

Uncomfortably Squishy

Ok … here goes. I’m going to tell all. (Some of you think I’ve always told all … but really, it’s just that I don’t have a filter.)

Or maybe, it’s what YOU think is important/sacrosanct … isn’t what *I* think is sacrosanct and important.) (OMG … ALREADY … TWO SENENTENCES IN, I HAVE A DIGRESSION)

So!  … Now we know why people have different personalities – and disagreements – and start political/cultural/religious wars!!! (You’re welcome! For providing this obvious insight. Please send your millions of dollars in gratitude for unraveling this mystery to “MitMoi”)

So what I’m really going to tell you are those things that *I* DO filter … that maybe *YOU* wouldn’t. (And in the process … maybe admitting I am human, and fallible … and … “imperfect”) (squirms) (endlessly)

One of my biggest fears in life was being laid off.

OMG!!! If you are important … and GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO … and work hard, “You will always be employed and successful.” (So says the Bible according to Mit)

Wait … “If you are good at what you do … and work hard … AND KISS BUTT … (or play politics, swallow your tongue (or someone’s dick)) … you will always be employed and successful.” (So says the Bible of the “shallow”) (or “fake”) (or “unethical”) (OR ANYONE WHO IS NOT ME)

AND … no matter what, you HAVE TO BE SMART.

Like you can do MATH … and spell. And understand punctuation. Extra points for 4.0+ GPAs and taking “Honors and AP Courses.”

PLUS … you must be NICE.

And never be SARCASTIC. Or talk “bad” about people (even if you are pointing out their OBVIOUS flaws/shortcomings).

And … you must be “WEIGHT APPROPRIATE FOR HEIGHT”.

If you are not, it’s only logical that you are:

1.       Under-employed

2.       Unhappy

3.       Single

4.       Not … (okay … I’m thinking Donald Trump and Martha Stewart aren’t really the icon’s I want to present here) … THAT PERSON WHO HAS IT ALL!! And is successful and HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!

So … here is me.

1. I work hard. (Maybe more than necessary)
2. I was (according to rumor) good at what I did
3. AND I BECAME UNEMPLOYED.

WHY??!?

1. I am not smart (or I can’t do simple math, spell, or punctuate sentences correctly) … And have never had a good (ie: more than a 3.0) GPA! (which clearly indicates I was never  an “Honors” or “AP” student)
2. I am not NICE. I might do nice things for people, but I am NOT “nice”. (or sweet) (or kind) (or thoughtful)
3. OH HELL YES … I AM sarcastic (Seriously. You are SHOCKED, aren’t you? You NEVER knew!)
4. And I am not “height appropriate to weight”. (In fact, I’m sure "some people" would say, 80% of my life would be better if I wasn’t “fat”.)  (This isn’t the same (in my opinion) as obese.) BUT STILL – it’s true … I am not a size 6. Or 12. Or even 16.

So … I found myself unemployed. And it SHOULD HAVE BEEN “the worst time ever”, right?

I mean, I should have lost my house, declared bankruptcy, and moved home.

But none of those things happened.

I had a part time (okay – I worked full time, but only billed part-time) job … COOKING AS A CHEF!!!

I had lots of “meetings”, and “To-do Lists”, and “goals” and “deadlines” … and I WAS MY OWN BOSS

And somehow I made enough (plus unemployment) to pay my mortgage and not become bankrupt. (or add any loan/credit card debt to my situation).

AND THEN I GOT A JOB!!! In a NEW INDUSTRY … that isn’t cyclical like agriculture! An industry that was EXPANIDNG!!! … And not “historical” … or part of the “good old boy” network.

And even though I agreed to a salary (what choice did I have?) at 50% less than I was making … 3 years ago … and even LESS than I was making in … 1997 … IT WAS A JOB! And it had POTENTIAL! (Right?)

And all the problems I’d run into previously … in that “good-old-boys” world … were because of that! Right? THIS new job was going to be PERFECT!

Only? It’s not.

And so what does that mean?

1. I am ungrateful
2. I am incompetent
3. I cannot keep my big mouth shut (ok, this IS true)
4. I … am a failure?
5. I’m not that smart?
6. I’m doomed because I cannot act “normally”?
7. I am broken

And you know what I hate MOST about other people?!?

1. People who don’t recognize their “shit” and blame all that’s bad in their life on “someone/something” else and don’t take responsibility for what they can control/change.
2. And people who whine. (GOD, DO I HATE WHINERS!)
3. And people who are NEGATIVE
4. HYPOCRATES

GUESS WHO I AM THESE DAYS?!?

So … what have I done?

1. Worked harder (close to 50/60 hours a week)
2. Ended all extra circular activities (because I am BROKE … and ALWAYS working)
3. Stopped socializing (because I am a loser). And negative. And if I open my mouth, I’ll whine.
4. Pushed all the interesting/fun/unusually interests/hobbies out of my life … because “social” = spending money. Or being … optimistic. (Or not a shrew)

And what does this mean?

1.       I am broken

2.       I don’t know how to fix myself

3.       I am unhappy

4.       I am scared

5.       I am … I dunno. Not successful. Not financially secure. Not … MIT/me

And there’s probably a whole lot more. (There is). But this is 1,022 words too revealing, so I’m going to stop.

One last thing. I have an opportunity (or two) … to look in someone’s face … and lay this all out … and “work on it” ... which means … change. And admit I am not right/in-charge/perfect. I dunno if I can go there. Which is why I’ve written this.

Because THIS is logic, right?

And who wants to be a fool? (Broken person/idiot/loser) 

Little Steps

It's been a while. At the moment I am procrastinating. So I thought I'd include you. This is a weekly meme. "You say, I think."

1. Girlfriend :: too much effort
2. Crushed :: ice
3. Source :: of frustration
4. Corner :: market
5. Gossip :: girl
6. Encounter :: of the 3rd Kind
7. Make an offer :: Have it refused
8. Stylish :: Audry Hepburn
9. Profit :: Loss
10. Waste :: water

Best Pasta Ever ...

or I was really hungry.


It was also really, really quick to throw together.


I boiled some fettuccine - but you could use anything.
Conchiglie - (pasta shells) or orecchiette would also work.


In a pan with a little olive oil I caramelized some onions and pine nuts. I cut the onion in long
slices instead of a dice. At the very end I added some big chunks of garlic.


When the pasta was almost done, I took about a 1/4 cup of the pasta
water - and poured it over some crumbled feta cheese - and then
stirred. This became part of the sauce.


I had grape tomatoes I sliced in half - about 1 cup or 4oz. And also a
1/4 cup or so of chiffonaded basil.


After I drained the pasta, I put it back into the pasta pot.


Dumped the feta/water into the pasta and stirred, stirred, stirred, until I had a creamy sauce. (Don't expect a thick fake Alfredo sauce - this is a thin sauce, but packs a nice flavor punch)


Then I added the toms and the olive oil/onion/pine nut/garlic
mixture.


Finally I added the basil.


A few cranks of the pepper mill - and some sea salt - and dinner was on!


Pasta w Feta Cheese Sauce Tomatoes & Pignoles


Serves 2


10 cups water - well salted


1/2 lb pasta




1 tsp Olive Oil


1/2 cup sliced onion


1/4 cup pignoles (pine nuts)


2 large cloves garlic - rough chop


1 cup sliced grape tomatoes


1/4 cup basil - cut into a chiffonade


1/4-1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper


1/4 teaspoon sea salt (or Kosher salt)


Bring salted water to boil - add pasta.


Cook 8-9 minutes (or until al dente)


While water comes to a boil & pasta is cooking:
Sautee onions in olive oil over medium low heat (you want them to slowly cook and caramelize)
When there's 4 minutes left before the pasta is done, add pignoles to onion mixture


Before draining pasta remove & reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water


Drain pasta & return to pasta pot


Add feta cheese to the pot - and pasta water 1 Tbls at a time


Stir until sauce develops - maybe mashing a few of the bigger crumbles


While stirring feta/pasta add garlic to onion/pine nut mixture


Add sliced grape tomatoes to pasta/feta, then add sauté mixture


Mix well


Add pepper - correct salt level


Serve!

Food Wednesday - Change!

Did you miss me?

It's been busy.

I'll just let you stare at this new look - and return later with something about food.

Show me the shine in your Japan, the sparkle in your China

Bodhisattva

This weekend I went up to DC and met up with a group of friends. Throughout the week (maybe) I'll post more about the trip.

I think of all the things we did, the hour spent in the Freer Art Museum has the biggest impact on me.


Bodhisattva

Would you take me by the hand
Bodhisattva
Would you take me by the hand
Can you show me
The shine of your Japan
The sparkle of your china
Can you show me
Bodhisattva
Bodhisattva
I'm gonna sell my house in town
Bodhisattva
I'm gonna sell my house in town
And I'll be there
To shine in your Japan
To sparkle in your China
Yes I'll be there
Bodhisattva 

I immediately had this song playing in my mind (as apparently did a few of my companions)

I think the other thing that struck me most on this trip was learning about mandala's. 

I cannot erase this paragraph from my mind, 

"Another visual form associated with Buddhism is the mandala, a representation of an enlightened realm where union between the human and the sacred occurs. Most often, for example in Tibetan Buddhist art or in Japanese Esoteric Buddhist art, the mandala is a circular or square configuration, with a center that radiates outward into compartmentalized areas. The deity at the center of the configuration, who signifies absolute truth, engages in reciprocal interactions with figures in the outer precincts, who signify manifested aspects of that truth. The practitioner unites the outer manifestations in the center of the mandala and then internally absorbs the mandala as a whole."

Compartmentalized truth. Huh. 

For more cool photos from my friend Chris you can go here:

-***-

Sorry I've been so MIA. Work is keeping me busy - even in the evenings. Or just luxuriating in the idea that I have evenings free. And cooking.

Have we talked about perfection?

So - I've been called a perfectionist. And I always denied it. I don't do ANYTHING perfectly. I am always struggling to "get things right".

About six months ago I noticed it was taking me an inordinate amount of time to make up the guest bed. Why? Because I wanted to make sure the top sheet was perfectly even on both sides. And straight at the top and bottom - and the patterns lined up. I had a moment of revelation - where I realized most people don't put that level of effort into bed making. That's when I first realized that maybe being a perfectionist doesn't mean doing things perfectly. It means spending a lot of (maybe unnecessary) time trying to do things perfectly. 

I think that's why I'm so slow at lots of things. (Besides the fact I love the nitty-gritty details. They give me comfort somehow. Maybe because it leads to fewer surprises. Hopefully) Because I spend all this time trying to clean things - REALLY, REALLY, clean. Like all the little grooves and hidden corners. And ironing. It takes me FOREVER to iron. Because I want all the seams PERFECTLY flat - and sharp and straight ... I think you see where this is going.

I was reminded of this on Wednesday because I wore a top and pair of pants that should have been ironed. I told myself that "as you wear them a little, the wrinkles will fall out." HAHAHAHA. So this morning I picked out a linen top to wear. That needed ironing. It's not a complicated top. Just a little swing-blouse. With one back pleat. A snap. Just 2 minutes to iron, right? Obviously we all know the answer.

I guess the first step in changing is recognizing ... and the second is writing about it. I suspect there are more steps ... but I think I'm going to just dwell on steps 1 & 2. (lol)

I missed putting this up on Wednesday, but clearly there WAS a Food Wednesday this week. And banna pudding was the topic. I'd read about banana pudding in southern books. But I don't ever recall eating any as a kid. I remember one of the early issues of Cooking Light had a banana pudding on it's cover. 

I was living in Phoenix. It LOOKED good - the photograph was amazing. But I had no desire to make the dessert. It just sounded ... sweet and gooey. My neighbor saw the magazine and went into a swoon. (She must have had southern roots). She borrowed the magazine - and then brought a bowl of the dessert over for the boys and I. They, being connoisseurs of sweet and gooey, gobbled it down. In nothing flat. I took a bite and thought - "OMG - the sugar - it's going to kill me!"

Wednesday's N &O had an article about banana pudding and its origins. I thought it was interesting. But I still don't love it. I've even eaten "the best ever" according to many sources, made by Dr. Whiney's dad. I sampled it. Meh. I think ... if I were going to do it ... I'd use pound cake (not so sweet) and custard (also not sweet, unlike pudding). I like the idea of meringue on top. Airy and light.  A slight crunch. I dunno. What do YOU think about banana pudding? 

I also think it's a perfectionists nightmare. Trying to get all those Nella Waffers JUST SO in the dish. (shudder)


***Edited to add - one of my southern friends sent this "reply" to me when I mentioned the topic of nanner pudding .... I think it's hilarious - so I'm going to share:


You keep being a perfectionist making the bed and DON'T try your hand at improving banana pudding!  You AIN'T Suthern!  My mouth is watering from the picture you sent.  


That is the one thing Smithfield's BBQ hasn't figured out- banana pudding needs bananas.  Not just banana flavored pudding.  


Custard? What the hell is custard?  (I know what it is, really.)  Did any of these fine magazines ever mention banana custard?  NO!!!!!  No one cares if the Nella Wafers look like Martha Stewart, just make sure they are in there.  Some people make it in a rectangular pan thing and just cover the bottom and sides with them.  It doesn't have to be pretty.  (I am still drooling.  I love that stuff.)  Banana pudding is obviously NOT "good for you" because I am passionate about it.  


Custard?  


Seriously, you should have your butt kicked for even suggesting such a silly thing to people who have lived the majority of their life in 27607.  


Custard.  


That's like saying "I'll use ketchup instead of picante sauce because I don't like the chunks." 

I have never had Dr. Whiney's Dad's banana pudding, but I have had some good stuff.  It isn't rocket science.  P can make it and it is delicious.  Our former Associate Minister made better banana pudding, which I made sure to tell P, but that is another story.  


Hell, the restaurant that caters the National Guard lunches on drill weekends bring in a banana pudding that I manage to eat 2 helpings of and it is good.  (Old NC BBQ, I think.)  


POUND CAKE?  "We're out of milk so I will just dissolve a white crayon in water, no one will notice."


At the risk of sounding snobbish, I am Southern and there are things that we Southerners just don't want to see messed with.  It is bad enough that the Yankees have come down here and tell us how to do everything.  We don't mind dying young eating things like fried foods and sweet and gooey desserts.  I wouldn't go to Arizona and say "gee, this salsa would be better with pickles instead of these hot peppers, they are just too spicey." 

How was this for a reply from someone who doesn't cook unless there is an element of danger involved?  (Grill)  Sorry you asked?  ; )

And I felt love

It was such a great weekend.

Friday night Chris and I went to a terrific vegetarian Indian Restaurant. We had samosas,Uthappam, vegetable korma, and Palak paneer. It was top notch. Then we went to the store to get a few "last minute" items for Palm Sunday Brunch.

As we shopped for food Chris wondered if the light would be bright enough in the kitchen for pictures. "Plenty bright" I told him - not elaborating further. When he got there - and saw the professional kitchen - and the size of it, he totally laughed. "Not what I was envisioning," he said.

We were there Saturday by 8:30. My great crew showed up to help out. We cooked off 10 lbs of sausage, 10 lbs of bacon, made 120 pancakes, and rolled out the dough and cut out 220 biscuits. Plus we prepped strawberries, oranges, and grapes for fruit salad. That night, I cooked for he and the Good Doctor. Mahi-mahi with this great Cuban chili-pepper/marmalade sauce, braised baby bok choy, and lemon orzo. 

Sunday we were back in the kitchen by 7:15. And I think this is where I felt the love the most. I had my guys with me. Chris - jumping in and helping - Dudley - my favorite sous-chef, Cullen - meat carver extraordinaire, and Joyce - chief coffee maker and dishwasher. There were others who wandered in during the morning - my buddy Hal who helped finish off the grits casserole and Marty and Bill - the best cleanup crew around.

Here are two of Chris' photos. I don't know if they'll impart the sense of what a well-oiled machine we are when we cook together. But everyone was in the groove. And the food looked beautiful. The Good Doctor even showed up - and the church didn't burn down.

All in all - a day full of God's love - the love of my friends - and the love of food and serving. It was an amazing, amazing thing.

Here's just two pictures.

I may not be southern, but I can roll out a mean biscuit!

Food on the line:

Food Wednesday - Smash up!

So - yesterday night when I got home I wanted to cook. I also wanted to use what was in the house. And think about spring. It's here! It's 40 freakin' degrees.


To celebrate - I kidnapped the Good Doctor's Miata and drove it home at high rates of speed with the top down and music blaring. (Yes, it's good to have super short hair!)


What did I cook? Yummy. Carrots are an interesting vegetable. They are considered both a winder root veggie - and also a "first sign of spring" veggie.

I looked for pasta recipes. And came up with two. One from Mark Bittman (hee! I just spelled his last name Bitt(er)man!) from Saveur which toasts the pasta and adds liquid in a risotto type preparation - and another from Lucullian Delights - one of my favorite food and photography blogs. I liked her recipe because it had pine nuts and fresh thyme in it.


So I smashed them together and came out with an equally delicious taste of spring.


Toasted Gemelli & Thyme Carrots


8 cups Chicken Stock
5 tbsp. butter
1 medium yellow onion, peeled and chopped
1 lb. gemelli (uncooked)
8 medium carrots, peeled, trimmed, and diced
1/4 cup pine nuts
4 sprigs of thyme (still on the stem, the leaves will fall off as you stir)
1⁄2 cup freshly grated parmigiano-reggiano
Salt and freshly ground black pepper





1. Bring stock to a boil in a medium saucepan over high heat. Reduce heat to low to keep stock hot.

2. Melt 4 tbsp. of the butter in a medium heavy-bottomed pot over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook, stirring with a wooden spoon, until they begin to brown, about 5 minutes. Add uncooked pasta, pine nuts, thyme, and carrots and cook, stirring often, until pasta is lightly toasted, about 5 minutes.


3. Add 1 cup of the hot stock at a time to the pasta, stirring constantly; wait until almost all the stock has been absorbed before adding more. Continue cooking and adding stock (you may have some stock left over) until pasta is tender but firm to the bite, 10–15 minutes.


4. Remove pot from heat, pick out thyme stems, and stir in the remaining 1 tbsp. butter and the parmigiano. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Transfer to a warm serving dish. Serve with more freshly grated parmigiano, if you like.

SERVES 4 – 8

In other food news - The UMC (United Methodist Church) is sending out a writer and video photographer next week to interview me (and members of the congregation) about the links between sustainable agriculture/cooking and faith. I'm pretty excited - especially because they know I am no longer cooking the Wednesday night meal. 
Also exciting is that Chris will be here this weekend to photo/interview me about "The New Southern Church Kitchen" as I cook the Palm Sunday Brunch. He'll be able to share his photos/content with the m.UMC people.



And ... that brings me to Chris! Yay! I can hardly wait to see him. Most interesting is that he'll be here EXACTLY during the two-year anniversary of our trip to London/Amsterdam. I cannot wait to spend time with him.



Happy Food Wednesday everyone - go celebrate spring! (Which means "affordable asparagus" and "sweet strawberries"!!!)

Listen!

I despair I will ever learn.

Several months ago I was grocery shopping with a friend and she saw some whole bean coffee called, "Pumpkin Pie Spice" and said, "Ohhhh - that's such good coffee - and such a great price (because it was January and T-giving was long gone) I'm going to buy two bags."

"Is it really good?" I asked. Because you see - I'm not a huge fan of flavored coffees. Although I do put cinnamon in my coffee from time to time. Or fresh grated nutmeg. So why wouldn't I like this?

I bought some. And then ALMOST used up the last of the "good" coffee which was rich and strong and tastes like COFFEE.

About two weeks ago I opened up the spiced coffee. It did smell good. I made some. It was okay. But it wasn't COFFEE. So for two weeks I've been trying to humor myself into drinking it. Telling myself that I really DO like it, and I'm just being silly. 


Originally there was 3-bls of the Holidays-smell-good-but-taste-crappy coffee. In my attempt to go through it quicker (so I could guilt free buy some good stuff) I filled up two 1 lbs. containers at home with the beans and then then brought the last pound to work. 


At home each morning I notice I've been trying to find reasons to make un-flavored coffee. Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of getting up in the morning and enjoying a cup of coffee, ya know?

So yesterday I broke down - and bought a new 2.5 lbs bag of Columbian beans.


UNFLAVORED. 


And then I tried to consolidate what was left of the 2 lbs of flavored crap into a single 1 lbs can (that I will make when I have company over) (which really means that it will sit there in the dark for a year - then I'll throw it away).  


Because seriously - why make yourself dislike something you use to look forward too?

And once again I am struck by how I often discount my own intuition. And how poorly it serves me to do this. WHY DON'T I LISTEN TO MYSELF? I'd like to be deprogrammed please.

Own it!

One of the things you hear in creative corners is, "It's all been done before" ... and then a lot of gnashing of teeth. We're constantly being told to "make it your own" - even though there are only a few basic story lines in this world. YOURS has to be different.

Same with cooking. How can you make the same ingredients "different". And different in a way that works - harmoniously. 

I read on an editor's blog today a post about making a story your own. She, in turn, linked to a YA author's great illustration of "how although it's all been done before, over and over again, a story/song/work of art can still be extremely original and satisfying to the public".

Here's the illustration. I LOVE it.

Happy sunny Saturday. Although I'm stuck indoors cleaning, I have the windows and doors (with screens) open. Spring smells yummy!

Food Wednesday - Green Day!

So here they are singing "Food Around the Corner".

What's this got to do with Food Wednesday? Well - today is St. Patty's day, right? A "green day". Or it could be about spring - and CSA (community supported agriculture) - and a "green day" for eating local and sustainable produce.

Or it could be referring to my favorite local brewery - Full Steam. Who's motto is "Plow to Pint". They're not open to the public yet .. SOOOOOOOOON though. Their current offerings include:

Hogwash! Hickory-Smoked Porter 
Sweet Potato Ale

First Frost (winter persimmon ale)  

But really - it's all about "Food Around the Corner" aka the venison I had for dinner last night. I have a friend who's a bow hunter. I had a dream about molasses.  I put the two together - they were great. 

Molasses, grated fresh ginger, Chinese black vinegar, cracked tri-color peppercorns. I marinated the venison loin in the molasses/ginger/vinegar mixture for about 30 minutes. (Next time I'll try for over night.) Then I placed it on a roasting rack. Brushed with more of the marinade - and ground crack pepper over the whole loin.

I popped it in the the oven that was set to broil. Cooked 5 minutes per side until it had an internal temp of 155 - which climbed to 160 as it rested.  I sliced it thin - and served with Algerian Carrots (cumin, lemon, brown sugar, olive oil, garlic) and steamed broccoli.

Next time I'm going to reduce some of the non-marinade molasses mixture - until it becomes a thick syrup - as a garnish. And make a starch. I think it would be delightful with a hearty Hunter's Mushroom polenta or mashed potatoes.

So - here's a beer to you. Enjoy the best o'the day - and DON'T drink any green beer. It's swill.